By ELIZABETH WAGNON, elizabeth@bootlegontheweb.com
Please note: these dummies were of consenting age and semi-sober.
Sex: it’s damn good and damn good for you. Fred Flintstone knew how great yabba-dabba-doing it with Wilma was, so why don’t we in A.D. realize all of its benefits?
More sex equals more energy. While you might not have to pedal your car to work this millennia, you could use all that extra energy to run around the block, get some studying done or have sex again. And all that energy releases a hormone in women that reduces the risk of heart disease. What health-conscious woman could possibly say no to that pick-up line?
A year of frequent sex is the equivalent of running five-and-a-half marathons. Now your girlfriend has no excuse to go to the gym instead of having sex. You’re a 75-mile high-endurance, calorie-burning, sweat-making, endorphin-releasing treadmill. That’s how far www.ecureme.com, an online health resource site, says sex three times a week will take you in one year. So if your man’s training for long distance, go the distance in the sack and get a real workout.
Sex eight times a day, keeps the doctor away. Don’t let your boyfriend feed that one to you, but an active sex life can keep you away from the medicine cabinet and PhDs. In addition, sex has been shown to relieve headaches and other minor pains; reduce prostrate cancer risks; boost self esteem; firm abs and asses; lessen irritability; reduce depression; make teeth healthier; lower the hormone that triggers fatigue and cravings; slash chances of getting the flu or a cold; and improve sense of smell. And if that’s not reason enough, I don’t know what is.
So the next time your girlfriend’s craving that Ben & Jerry’s, have sex. Don’t pay for your dentist’s next vacation, have sex. Instead of reaching for that Tylenol, grab a Trojan. The benefits are mind blowing. Yes, mind blowing.
Have sex, get jacked. During orgasms and right before, the steroid hormone DHEA is five times its normal level in the body. DHEA builds lean muscle mass, which must be why our caveman comrades always looked so buff and brawny. Low levels of DHEA have been linked to adverse aging effects. 95 percent of original DHEA levels are lost by age 80, causing some to believe supplemental DHEA could be a “fountain of youth.” So stay youthful.
Ladies, you’ll have zero problems in convincing a guy to reap all of these benefits with you. This is more of an added bonus; a “hey-look-what-else-I’m-getting” informational pamphlet for your troubles. Gentlemen, consider this a tool in convincing a woman of all the good she is doing to her own body by having sex with you. Then again, if this is your biggest gun on the rack, maybe you should read a book. And leave sex to the prehistorics and pros.
